Musings of a High School Senior

I had briefly considered using this blog solely for poetry, but today has made me throw that idea out of the window. I have twenty-five days till my last day of school and thirty-one till my graduation.Another important thing to remember is my birthday thirteen days away. When I think about the typical seventeen year old high school senior, I picture a lazy kid who goofs off to much, has the perverted mind of a twelve year old, and is falling behind in his studies due to a bad case of senioritis, especially this close to the end of school. Looking at myself however, I see someone different.

I see a boy afraid to grow into a man.

I see someone who is tired of the immaturity and stupidity of high school, but is deathly afraid to move on with life.

I see a boy faced with the realization that things aren't okay like they used to be. Perhaps they never were okay, but he was just to sheltered to notice.

Most of all, I see someone faced with the overwhelming immensity of life. College is quickly making it's way here. Plans are falling through. Friends are leaving. People who were once friends are burning the bridges that got them through high school. The most treacherous and cut-throat time of my life is drawing to a close. From here on out I'm the one responsible for my mistakes. I'm the one who takes care of myself. Sure, my parents will be around if I ever truly need them, but unfortunately, I'm too proud to admit to them I'm terrified. Growing up is a daunting task that all but rich heirs and heiresses have to deal with. Where are my millionaire parents?

I'd say unfortunately they aren't here but it's not really unfortunate. The ones who aren't forced to grow up at some point are crippled for the rest of their lives. They'll lead a hollow existence and never truly accomplish a thing. So, perhaps it's a good thing I'm going to have to fend for myself. Everyone but the heir and heiresses face growing up. It must not be too bad because I see plenty of adults walking around. I know I'll get through it, but that doesn't stop the fear. Then again, isn't that what courage is? Having fear but still moving forward despite it? I will survive as I have for the past nearly eighteen years. I will grow up, get married, have kids, grow old, and live a long happy life. In that time I'll go to college, have a successful career, and leave a lot for my children and their children. Maybe it won't exactly happen like that, but that's what I'm aiming for and God help the one who tries to get in the way of that.