I Blinked

It's been some time since I've posted anything on this blog. It's actually kind of funny because it seems almost like yesterday I was writing out some long post, even if the details seem kind of fuzzy. A lot has happened in the past few months, despite a few months not being very long at all. For some reason I cant seem to put my finger on, I feel like more has happened to me in the last five months than has happened to me in the majority of my life. I disowned my father, lost the man I loved, was betrayed by the woman who birthed me, went through a stint of homelessness, was taken in by my best friend and her family for a time, was kicked out by that same family and blamed for marital problems that existed far before i came along, went through another stint of homelessness, got a good paying job, was fired from another job for some stupid reason or another, and had my heart broken all over again by that same man I lost.

Putting it in to a list like that makes me wonder how all of it could have possibly happened in such a short time. I mean there have been so many other little experienced peppered in between those big ones. Some things I have been proud of, some things I might be ashamed to admit to some people, and other things that are just things that don't go either way. An innumerable amount of experiences have been packed into these last few months, and yet, it seems like it all happened in just a few blinks.

Frankly I'm amazed that I've been able to cope as well as I have, what with everything that has gone on. I shudder to think what would have happened to me has these things happened a year ago. I've become a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be in terms of my mind and my emotions. I've weathered things that would have driven me insane a year ago, and here I stand, a bit jaded and only slightly worse for wear.

At the moment I'm just sort of coasting. I keep myself busy in order to pass the time. I work five days a week, nine hours a day, and volunteer three days a week, a few hours a day. I try to keep some semblance of a social life and I find myself becoming much more active in the gay community. I think I've finally reached the point of acceptance; acceptance of my growth from child to adult, acceptance of my break up with the man I loved, and most importantly acceptance of myself.

I may not be as happy as I have ever been, but my self-confidence is higher than it has ever been. I finally view myself as more than just some kid who flits from one clique to another because he never really fits in to anywhere. I'm making my own way through life and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I may be uneasy about my future but I'm finally done avoiding it. It's time to grow up, and I think I'm finally ready.